Salafis are notoriously hard to describe. All attempts to describe are quickly ‘refuted’ and attempts to provide a succint definition are quickly smothered. With that in mind, i’ve made a list of all the typical characteristics of a run-if-the-mill Salafi. I admit that the Salafi scholars can sometimes be a little more refined, but the Salafi masses have a lot in common. Some typical characteristics of Salafis are:

• Serial hand-flipping – Yes, even when completely unnecessary. I’ve seen Salafis hand-flipping when they get back up from Sujuud.
• megaphone-Ameens – Some Salafi Ameens are hard on the ears. The words of Allah, that the ‘most irritating of sounds is the bray of a donkey’ often come to my mind when i pray in Salafi mosques.
• Sunnah-skippers - I’ve noticed that many Salafis don’t hold Sunnah prayers in high regard. They’re in and out of the mosque in a flash.
• neck folders – some extremist Salfis fold their arms in Salaah so high, their palms are resting on their necks! The Sunnah is just above or below the navel. Not half a mile from it!
• performing fardh prayers behind someone praying nafl/Sunnah prayers
• performing fardh prayers behind 8 year old minors
• performing Magrib behind someone who’s praying Isha
• Joining 2 prayers at every opportunity (including even a small smattering of rain) – (NOTE: Shias also routinely join prayers)
• Skipping Jumuah on Eid day (Yes, this seriously happens. I was in Mecca on Eid-ul-fitr, and hordes of Salafis scattered after the Eid prayer. I asked some of them why they weren’t staying for Jumuah prayers. “We don’t have to,” came the reply. “If Eid and Jumuah are on the same day, you can ditch Jumuah.” Subhanallah! I knew our religion was easy, but not this easy!
• Extreme Trouser-shortening (Salafis seem to think the distance between your ankle and your trouser edge is an excellent indicator of your piety level)
• Extreme beard lengthners – There’s nothing wrong with never trimming your beard. that’s fine, if you want to do it. What IS wrong, is shoving your opinion down everyone’s throat.
• Serial saddos - Yes, Salafis are always gloomy. Especially when in the company of non-Salafis. However, it’s ok to be cheerful around non-muslims.
• Turban-mockers - This happened to a friend of mine. He wore a turban, a form of headgear that the Prophet (saw) regularly wore, to a Salafi mosque and he was mocked for it. These Salafis are clueless.
• Anti-topism - A topi is a hat that covers the crown of your head. The Prophet (Saw) always wore a hat when performing prayer, and when entering the lavatory. Salafis are anti-topi, and will only wear one if they are donning a shawl and headring.
• Fatiha-prayers and condemners of those who dont - Salafis pray Surah Fatiha in all prayers, including Asr and Magrib, and even if it’s the 3rd or 4th cycle of prayer. There’s nothing wrong with that, as 3 of the 4 Madhabs allow it. However, what really irritates is when they say everyone else is wrong! How ludicrous! Those of us who don’t pray Fatiha behind the behind the Imam bring 2 proofs – one is the Quran verse “When the Quran is being recited, then listen to it, and remain quiet.” Commentators have explained that these verses are about reading Quran in Salaah for a Follower. The second proof is a hadith which says “The recitation of the Imam suffices for the Follower.” Thus, there is no need for the Follower to recite Fatiha in collective prayers.
• Stand-up wee-ers - Yes, Salafis advocate weeing while standing up. Shocking, isn’t it? They quote a hadith that the Prophet (Saw) urinated standing up once. We point out to them 3 things about this hadith. A) The Prophet (saw) only ever did it once B) He was at a rubbish tip at the time. Obviously, he urinated standing up to stop his clothes getting dirty. C) some scholars have looked at other hadith and figured that this happened round about the time the Prophet (saw) fell ill and had difficulty sitting. They conclude that he urinated standing up because he was injured at the time. This situation has gone so bad that a lot of Saudi restaurants now have STAND-UP urinals and Saudi men have no shame using them. Even in Hajj, at Mina, Arafah and Muzdalifa, stand-up urinals are popping up everywhere. La hawla wa la quwwata billa.
• Cotton-sock wipers - Salafis will wipe over ANYTHING. If you wrapped their feet up in paper, they’d wipe over that too. Of course, cotton-sock wiping is bida’t. The Prophet (saw) only ever wiped over LEATHERED socks – socks make wholely  with leather, or leather-soled.  Cotton socks were never wiped over. Salfis say there IS a hadith that suggests the Prophet (saw) wiped over normal socks. And they’re right. But only Imam Tirmidhi categorised this hadith as strong – everyone else said it was weak, and therefore couldn’t be used as proof to legitimize cotton-sock wiping.
• Anti-collective-duaists – Salafis have issues with people making duas in groups – with the Imam praying and everyone else saying Ameen.  This is despite the fact that there are hadiths in which the Prophet (saw) made dua and the companions chimed in with ameens.
• leg-splitters – Salafis like splitting their legs in Salaah and touching the person next to them. Whenever it happens to me, i budge up a bit, but the Salafi just widens up even more. He seems to think touching is a requisite in Salaah. Salafis quote a Hadith in which a companion says they used to touch ankles to straighten their Salaah rows. We accept this hadith. But we point out that the Sahabi mentions they did it BEFORE salaah started, and then, obviously, once the rows were straight, the brought their feet togethor again.
• Taraweeh-trimmers – Now this one’s a real big Bid’at. for 1300 years, the Muslim Ummah have always prayed 20 rakaahs in Taraweeh. It is the Sunnah of Umar (ra), who consulted with the Sahaba and confirmed that the Taraweeh was 20 rakaahs. Suddenly, some guys start saying all the Muslims of the past had got it wrong, and trimmed the length of the Taraweeh to 8 Rakaahs. Now, in East Saudi-Arabian mosques, only 8 rakaahs are prayed, and anyone praying 20 is condemned. They even tried to reduce Taraweeh to 8 in Mecca and Medina, but thankfully, the objections were too great for the Salafis to get their way. Thank God! Alhamdulillah

That’s all for now. part 2 will come soon, Inshallah.  It will include the following:

• pro-ibn taymiyyah
• pro-ibnal Qayyim
• pro-ibn-wahhab
• Albaanists
• Uthaymeenists
• anti graves
• anti-Ottaman
• Prophet haters
• medina-cussers
• dome-destroyers
• Anti-sufism
• anti-deobandism
• anti-barelvism
• shia-takfirism
• anti-AnyoneElseism
• MyWayOrTheHighwayism
• Milad-bashers
• medina-mashers
• mecca-crushers
• mosque-wipers